Not My Finest Moment

So the day before yesterday I lost my phone in the couch.  Not under the couch, or under a cushion - IN the couch.

It had slid between the cushion and the side of the couch, as it has many times before.  I wedged my hand in to get it, and naturally my fingers pushed it a little further down before I could get a grip - again, no big deal.  But instead of hitting bottom, I felt something give, and it slipped entirely away.

It might as well have slipped into another dimension.  I sat, stunned, before ripping the cushion off the couch and confirming that yes, the lining on our decade-old couch had completely pulled away and there was a long, narrow gap.  I wedged my hand in, but unfortunately I had a piece of wood on one side and a sheet of springs and padding on the other.  I twisted my wrist, tried with the other one, but all I got was raw hands.  (This couch has been nothing but trouble for me since day one, when it arrived two shades lighter than the one we ordered, and stupid me didn't notice under the wrapping until it was too late.  Ten years of a couch that shows everything.)

Next I tried from the bottom.  There's not much room under the couch, but I can fit my hand in.  By punching the bottom lining I was able to determine where the phone was.  The bad news?  My punching had bounced it even further away from the side.  I tried to "bounce" it back but it only made it worse.  At one point I actually got my arm and elbow stuck.  That was a scary moment, laying on my side, Thumper helpfully pulling on my hair to try to pull me up, contemplating being stuck there until the Yeti got home from work.

Of course I could have just left the phone in the couch.  In retrospect that was probably the smarter course of action.  But we don't have a landline, and somehow the thought of losing the phone filled me with panic.  What if there was an emergency?!  And worse, I wouldn't be able to text the Yeti to find out when we would meet him on his way home!  I'd have to - gasp - just gamble on timing, or not meet him at all!  It didn't even occur to me that I have, you know, a laptop with email and everything.  Not my finest moment.  No, to my mind the next logical step was to lift the couch.

I put Thumper in the pack and play, where I could see him, and went to the far end of the couch.  Surely I would just need to lift it a little to knock it back against the side, right?  Wrong.  Also, couches are heavy.  After three or four tries, lifting it several inches and probably pulling countless tiny muscles, I had made exactly zero progress.

Desperate times.  I grabbed a pair of scissors.  There wasn't enough room under the couch to actually open them and cut, but I used the pointy end to poke a hole in the hollow underside of the couch.  I scrabbled my hand in like a raccoon paw, tearing some of the fabric as I went, but somehow my lifting had actually knocked the phone more toward the rear of the couch.  Of course it had.

So behind the couch I went, attempting to lift again.  This time it was actually successful - the phone slid enough forward that I was able to reach into the hole and grab it.

Despite my obvious blind panic, I didn't completely lose my stuff in front of Thumper through this whole thing, though I got more upset than I meant to.  Sure, there was some repeated cursing, especially after I passed the couch over my big toe.  My worst moment came when I thought I was stuck under the couch - I think I just said "What?! No! No!" to my arm in a panicked yelp.  Then I got my arm free, stopped, and saw Thumper eyeing me with concern, and it brought me back down immediately.  I took a deep breath, and said to him, "Let's clap this out."  And instead of yelling and cursing and throwing a fit, which I wanted to do, I clapped and patted and deep-breathed myself into lightheadedness.

It's silly, but I'm kind of proud of that.  I don't want to be someone who flies into a rage or melts down in front of my kid.  Now I just need to work on not freaking in the first place, and letting things go.  I really could have just left it till the Yeti got home.

Unrelated pic, other than that it makes me feel zen whenever I see it

Oh, and I totally did screw up my back and neck and hips with all that lifting - two days later and I'm still paying for it.  Not the brightest crayon in the box.  Learn from my mistakes and let it go - or at least go right for the scissors.

PS I almost forgot - Top Baby Blogs reset their counters a few weeks ago.  If you'd like to click to vote for me, you can click here or on the side of the page (no need to register or anything).  I appreciate it!