Ersatz Electronics

Thumper has a tendency to launch himself toward any screen that might be out and glowing, particularly the Yeti's work laptop.  While it's adorable and all, it gets tiring with all the craning and leaning and wrestling, so eventually I decided maybe Thumper should get his own child's version.

Random aside: I'm sort of playing this "screen" thing by ear.  Current recommendations suggest no "screens" before age 2, which sounded simple enough when I first read them.  When Thumper and I were in a newborn haze and he was mostly asleep (and couldn't see across a room) I watched a fair amount of TV (lots of Murder, She Wrote, which I caught myself telling Thumper was "the ol' M She W").  As he's gotten older, that's pretty much stopped, partially to avoid TV and partially because when he's conscious, I'm occupied.  During the day we usually have Pandora playing.  At night, the Yeti and I might watch some TV, but it's practically in the background.  Thumper is just not a sit-and-watch baby.

A tiny handheld glowing screen, though, that's another matter.  I'm partly at fault, because I love taking photos of Thumper and he loves looking in the mirror, so he loves when I pull out my phone and switch it to self mode.  But if the Yeti is holding his iPad or working on his laptop, it's instantly the most interesting thing in the world.  And I'm not sure how I feel about, say, iPads, so I figured a plastic iPad-shaped toy that glows isn't any worse, at least.

My original goal was to get a toy laptop, because the thought of Thumper sitting next to the Yeti with a little laptop flipped open was frankly adorable.  A search of toy laptops was quite the disappointment.  The whole point of these "mini-me" toys is so that the kid can pretend he's like his parents, right?  So how does something like this fit the bill?  It's not remotely laptop-shaped!  I just wanted something square that lit up in some capacity and had buttons to mash.  Opening and closing is a bonus.

I decided to move on to either a smart phone or tablet, and ultimately grabbed one of each.  The phone was mostly because Thumper's decided that my phone's sole purpose is to exist for him to look at himself, and he's whined when I've used it for, you know, talking.

I wound up with the Laugh and Learn Smilin' Smartphone from Fisher-Price.  It's pretty cute, the songs aren't any more annoying than any other product for children, the volume is low enough that you could see your kid holding it up to their ear without damaging them, and overall I think we'll be getting a fair amount of use out of it in the future.  However, the buttons are kind of all one piece to preserve that "touchscreen" look, and they're just a little stiff for my almost-six-month-old's random swipes.  The "home" buttons at the bottom are sensitive enough, but still the phone is taking a temporary back seat to...

The VTech Tiny Touch Tablet.  It's the same basic idea as the phone; the "apps" are actually little buttons, and the "home button" is a trackball.  Touching any of these triggers light and sound.  The buttons are slightly more sensitive and the whole thing is a little bigger and brighter, so right now it seems to hold Thumper's attention longer.  However, I've got to say, the songs are really, truly obnoxious.  They barely have a melody and the singer is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  I have siblings and niblings (love that word) so I knew obnoxious toys were par for the course in having a baby, but VTech really went above and beyond in this regard.

I mostly had to buy it based on the reviews.  The reviews in that Amazon link, where people are angry that the $20 toy is not an actual tablet, are hilarious. My personal favorite (edited slightly): "This is a BABY toy [...] In the picture it shows wifi bars on the "tablet" screen.  Its a sticker."

Because I have not yet done actual research on child development I still have a knee-jerk reaction that too much flashy stuff might be bad or overstimulating (and no clue if that's true) so the tiny tablet only gets pulled out once a day or so.  I think that's better anyway, because it keeps the toys new.

Okay, if the tablet were playing Smetana I'd probably pull it out more.  Seriously, that singer somehow manages to sound atonal while being on-key.  Thumper doesn't seem to mind, though:

All well and good, but this doesn't seem to have Plants v. Zombies

Navigating the Waters of TMI

One thing I've noticed about pregnancy, and having a baby, is how quickly your personal boundaries and definitions of modesty change.  It started to happen pretty much immediately, at least in my head.

First, there's the "trying to have a baby" stage.  It was pretty much impossible for me to talk to anyone about this.  At its most basic, it's having lots of sex, so there's an image for you.  When you get scientific about it at all, subject matter gets a lot more personal.  Sure, you might mean to start off using delicate terms, abstract concepts like ovulation, and euphemisms, but then you run into two words: cervical mucus.

As such, I didn't actually talk to anyone about this when we were in the trying phase, except the Yeti.  And he barred me from using the word "mucus" at all.  We've been together for over a decade and there's not really any mystery anymore, but still, when you want someone to have sex with you, much less on demand, you agree to keep mucus out of daily conversation.

Then there's actually pregnancy, and that's when I started to notice that things that I found fascinating aren't always great topics for polite conversation.  Sure, I knew to avoid issues like constipation, but for example, I never consciously realized that growing a baby meant your other organs rearrange and squish out of the way.  I mean, sure, I guess I knew it, but I wasn't expecting that one day my stomach was going to growl in a different area of my torso.  How cool!

But then I'd mention to my friends that my organs were rearranging and no one seemed to find it as neat as I did.

Then there was labor.  While living in pregnancy land, I got so used to reading about cervixes and dilation and the medical aspect of it that I stopped thinking about the fact that a vaginal birth is, well, vaginal.  Until one night we were out with friends, not talking about pregnancy, and a girl I barely knew randomly asked if I was nervous since something huge was going to come out of my vagina.

Well.  If I was, it was too late for that now.  Secondly, I suddenly became aware that now everyone was thinking about my vagina.  It was awkward.

After I had the kid, however, I could talk about labor all day.  I know no one wants to hear about it, but if they ask, I will give All the Information.  Hey, they asked, right?

Similarly, there's the nursing issue.  Personally, my modesty ship has sailed.  They were basically out constantly in the first few days of my son's life, with random nurses manhandling them and even more getting an eyeful.  And right now they really are pretty utilitarian.  I have to consciously check myself over before I answer the door, because I wouldn't be surprised if I accidentally left something hanging out.

Most of my friends are guys, and when I was pregnant I wondered how I would feel about nursing around them.  Well, I do feel awkward, but more for their sake than theirs - I know they're not used to it and I'm not sure if I'm weirding them out (an unfortunate side effect of being the first one to have kids in the social group).  Thumper is at a stage where he unlatches constantly so "subtle" isn't really an applicable term right now, plus he's distracted easily, so I just feed him in the bedroom to get it over with faster.  I'm mentally prepared to nurse in public, but so far I've only had to once, when he was three months old - but any anxiety is just over the logistics or other people being weird about it.  I don't personally care if someone catches a glimpse of me past my child doing gymnastics trying to see a passing dog.

Occasionally, though, I feel my own limits.  After the labor, the hospital gives you a little squeezy water bottle.  They call it a peri bottle, short for perineum, and yes, it's for your undercarriage.  It's valuable in everything from attempting to pee for the first time to making sure you're clean when the last thing you want to do is manhandle anything.  As such, I took mine home with me.

Most recently, I used it on my breasts - I was using these little gel pads, and you're supposed to wash any residue off before the kid nurses again.  The bottle was a fast, easy way to wash myself down without being too rough.  So I had it by the bathroom sink.

The Yeti was picking up the bathroom before some friends arrived and he yelled across the apartment, "Hey, what do you want me to do with your taint squeezer?"

So now there are two phrases that are banned in this house.

A 'what' squeezer?

On Being Social

For the first few months after Thumper was born, the Yeti and I were complete hermits.  We tend to be hermits at the best of times, so this wasn't exactly a difficult decision.  Still, after that magical four-month mark we started missing friends - especially me, since I'm home all day.  Ever since we've been trying to find a new normal for socializing.

At first I thought the best choice was to have friends come visit us; we'd be surrounded by all of Thumper's things and it'd be easier to feed him or put him down for naps if need be.  This actually did work when a few friends stopped by when he was a newborn - back when he would sleep through a freight train in the living room.  We put him in the Rock 'n' Play and he passed out while we had dinner and played a board game.

Nowadays, not so much.  Being at home might still be ideal for some, but it's not the best with our current situation.  By "current situation" I mean an open floor-plan apartment.  Day to day, it's no problem; Thumper can easily nap if the Yeti and I are watching something on TV or having a quiet conversation.  Even when I'm alone with Thumper, I usually have music on so he's not attached to total silence.

Add two or more people, though, and things get more complicated.  If he gets tired I can't just go in a room and shut the door, unless I go in the bathroom, and that is not happening.  And even if we're just cooking a meal for friends, it inevitably seems to take long enough that we run into a naptime, despite best efforts.  We also always seem to run into a feeding time. Though I want to be that subtle person nursing in public, Thumper's at a stage where he unlatches and stares at the slightest provocation, or wants to switch back and forth, so there's nothing subtle about this process.  I retreat to the bedroom, which helps somewhat, but it doesn't cut out enough noise for napping.  Eventually, we will move elsewhere.  For now, our apartment is great for living, but not for entertaining.

The best option at the moment seems to be eating out at a restaurant.  The food is prepared relatively quickly, so we spend our time socializing and enjoying our food instead of prepping.  We can spend an hour or two out, and then leave, without it being awkward. Since the last time I wrote about it, we've gone out a few more times, and I've been learning a few tips and tricks along the way (for this age, anyway - I expect things will change dramatically before long).

For one thing, the time of day does make a bit of a difference.  He doesn't necessarily melt down at dinner time, but his tolerance is much lower.  If I can do a brunch or a lunch, we'll probably all be happier for it.   If it's dinner, the earlier, the better.

Personally, I've found he does better in the Ergo instead of a stroller (he can't sit up in a highchair yet).  Facing inward might help with the stimulation of noisier restaurants, and he's interested in the novel surroundings.  Wearing him also makes it easier to hop up and out if he starts getting fussy, and usually he calms down after a minute or two of walking.  The biggest challenge is keeping him from getting too warm, between the heat of the food, the ambient temperature, and my body heat.  I tend to loosen the straps but still, a minute outside to cool down can really help.

Also, most restaurants here are just too small for a stroller, or even really a car seat/carrier.  The other day we went to a restaurant that a)we had to take a cab to reach and b)we knew was small.  Here's what we did: stuck Thumper in the infant car seat for the cab (I know in some cities it's legal to not use one in taxis, but I don't know about here and I'd rather be safer anyway).  When we got to our location, we moved off to the side, outside, and transferred him into the Ergo.  Once inside, they offered to have us stow the car seat by the front desk, where they stick highchairs.

Some of this will probably be easier once Thumper can just use a highchair.  Then we can either stow the Ergo or fold up a stroller.  Also, I'm kind of thankful Thumper is a smaller baby because the infant car seat is relatively unobtrusive.  Not sure what we'll do when he's too big and we need a convertible seat - my guess is either use public transportation, or rent a Zipcar so we can just leave the seat in the car.  And, most likely, try to stick to restaurants within walking distance.

Assuming, of course, that taking him to restaurants is still doable.  Thumper is a great baby, friendly and fun, but so far words like "docile" and "pliant" haven't really fit.  More like "active" and "energetic."  And he's not even mobile yet.

more social than his parents

12 in 2014: June

Thumper doesn't take naps in the Rock 'n' Play anymore, so it tends to live near the washer and dryer.

Most of his energy lately has been spent on trying to roll over from his back to his stomach (he's so close, and he even practices in his sleep) and trying to crawl when he's on his tummy.

Thus, I was floored when I transferred some laundry the other day and watched as he propped himself on his elbows and leaned forward all the way, into a sitting position.  Well, sitting as much as one can on an incline.

Now we've been practicing sitting up on the floor, and while he's much more wobbly that way, he gets a big grin trying to balance.  And he especially likes showing off when I set him in the Rock 'n' Play.

Pajamas are too big, his feet don't twist around

Today is Father's Day.  The Yeti is particularly private, but he's a great father and Thumper and I are lucky to have him.  

Tiny Wolverine

Thumper is a pretty small baby; he was only an even six pounds when he was born, and his weight is close to the bottom of the growth charts.  In height, he's higher, but still well below the middle of the bell curve, so he's proportional, but small.  I don't know if it's because of my high blood pressure; he was monitored pretty closely, and the doctors were always satisfied with his growth.  Also, my siblings and I were all in the 6-7 lb range, so it's possible I'm just meant to have rather small babies.

However, if you were to listen to the members of the Yeti's family, you would have expected me to give birth to a Hulk baby.  I know I was half convinced.  Babies on the Yeti's side of the family are soooo huge that they're automatically C-sections.  They go straight into three-month clothing.  They have giant heads.  They're given blue ox stuffed animals because they require their very own Babe.

Okay, so I made up that last one.  But I did hear everything else, ad nauseum, while I was pregnant.

The first ultrasound revealed that Thumper was in the 70th percentile for growth.  Maybe it was accurate; maybe not (certainly there's a range of error).  He wasn't anywhere near that by the time he was nearing term.  Still, this was proof that I was baking a Hulk baby.

At one point near the end of the second trimester the Yeti's parents came to visit.  I had been doing a fair amount of shopping at Ross and Old Navy and I was pleased with both the clothes I had bought and the prices I'd scored, and I thought his mother-in-law would enjoy looking at the wittle bitty baby clothes.  Not so much.

"You won't get any wear out of that," she sniffed, holding a little outfit that was newborn-sized.  I had bought a few newborn outfits, but since her dire proclamations were already ringing in my ears, the vast majority of what I'd bought was in the 0-3 month range.

She surveyed it all, scoffing.  "Yeah, that'll fit for maybe a few weeks," she said.

I knew that there was a chance Thumper would take after my side of the family, but she was so darn certain that this baby would come out needing his driver's license that I didn't buy any more newborn stuff.  And then I was packing my hospital bag and I realized that all I had in newborn sizes were those little outfits - nothing suitable for sleeping or really being comfortable as a newborn.  The Yeti found some little kimono shirts on Amazon and a sleeper.  A few reviews claimed that the shirts ran small.  They were certainly smaller than anything else I had for him.

As it turned out, those shirts were the only thing that actually fit him after he was born.  Yes, I felt a little smug that we'd be getting more than enough use out of everything.

orange alien newborn in his kimono shirt

Maybe the Yeti's mom didn't know, but the month sizing in infant clothes is an extremely loose guideline.  Most babies I know of are a size or two ahead of what they're "supposed" to be, so wearing 0-3 month clothes shortly after birth isn't that unheard of.  However, Thumper is one whose age actually corresponds to his clothing.  At five months, he's beginning to grow out of some of his 3-6 month clothing, and most of his 6-9 or 6-12 month stuff is still just a touch too big.  The Carter's brand sticks to one number (like "3" or "6" or "9") and he's only now outgrowing the 3-month size.

Now, as I mentioned previously, my siblings were all 6-7 lbs at birth and they're a wide range of height and body type as adults, so we still have no clue if Thumper will always be the little peanut he is now.   But for now, he's no Hulk.  In fact, with his compact size, super strong legs (where Thumper got his name), high energy, and razor sharp claws (I've got scratches on my face from an enthusiastic hug to prove it), he's much more like Wolverine.

use your imagination to fill in the adamantium

Babe and the City

On some level, I've always wanted to live in the city.  I grew up helping my family work outdoors; I couldn't stand it and said I would someday live in an apartment or "with a yard full of sand and gravel."  My parents said I'd better get a good education.

Still, life handed me almost every other kind of living situation first.  I grew up in the very definition of sprawl, in a subdivision of a suburb of a metropolitan area.  I've lived in an old house that was too big on the edge of an historic small town.  I've lived in houses so far out in the middle of nowhere that you expected a gnome to come and lead you the rest of the way.  I've given the country more than a fair shot.

When we got the opportunity to live in a city, the Yeti and I sat down and discussed where we wanted to live.  Neither one of us was interested in doing the suburb thing again.  Ultimately, we decided that if we were going to move to a city, we were really going to live in the city.  We committed and sold our car before we even boarded the plane.  It was a bit of a gamble.

That was a few years ago, and if anything, we're even more enamored with the city now than when we moved here.  In the future the biggest challenge is going to be the cost of space aspect; we're making a one-bedroom work for now, with Thumper still an infant, but it's not going to work forever.  And while we haven't decided if we want to go for any more children, that's an issue to consider as well.  I'm not sure I've ever seen a three-bedroom anything in our area.

All of our friends seemed to view living in the city as an experiment or an experience and have since moved to the suburbs.  They all claim to be more comfortable out there, but the idea still makes us shudder.  I love walking to wherever I need to go.  I love that the Yeti doesn't have a giant commute to work, so he gets to spend more time each day with Thumper and me.

We've never been particularly intimidated by raising a child here, and I think I have a sushi restaurant to thank for that.  The first week we were in town we tried a local sushi restaurant.  A couple with a small child - maybe seven years old - sat at the bar in the front, watching the chef.  I gathered from overhearing snatches of conversation that they were about to travel to Japan for the first time.  The kid was trying out her Japanese on the chef.  It was precious and like something out of a movie.  I was instantly convinced that I, too, could produce a sophisticated City Baby.

For now my goals have shrunk considerably; just the thought that Thumper will one day use the bathroom on his own seems like a dream.  Still, I don't think family and city living are incompatible - far from it - and while ultimately the well-being of our family comes first, I'm not going to automatically assume that the suburbs are always the best choice.

So far it's been going pretty swimmingly.  We didn't have much reason to use a car at all for almost the entire first year we were here and relied entirely on public transportation and the Uber car service when we left our walking sphere.  The second year, I was pregnant and the OB and hospital weren't the closest (a tradeoff for the experience I wanted).  Occasionally we'd use Car2Go, which we absolutely loved, but which unfortunately isn't a good option anymore because they're only two-seater smart cars.  I've heard Car2Go is trying out a four-door option in Europe - yes, please!

Since I've had Thumper we no longer have a regular need for a car.  The family doctor's office is within an easy walking distance (though it seemed less easy when I was only a week post-partum, let me tell you), so getting those shots on the regular is not a big event.  At one point it occurred to us that Thumper was almost four months old and he'd only been in a car three times.  We rented a Zipcar to try it out and make sure it worked for us.  It did, and then we couldn't really think of anywhere we needed to go.  I still hold out hope for a 4-door Car2Go option, but honestly, it's not like we're being held back otherwise.  We aren't just "making it work"; we want to be here.

Baby2Go