On Being Social

For the first few months after Thumper was born, the Yeti and I were complete hermits.  We tend to be hermits at the best of times, so this wasn't exactly a difficult decision.  Still, after that magical four-month mark we started missing friends - especially me, since I'm home all day.  Ever since we've been trying to find a new normal for socializing.

At first I thought the best choice was to have friends come visit us; we'd be surrounded by all of Thumper's things and it'd be easier to feed him or put him down for naps if need be.  This actually did work when a few friends stopped by when he was a newborn - back when he would sleep through a freight train in the living room.  We put him in the Rock 'n' Play and he passed out while we had dinner and played a board game.

Nowadays, not so much.  Being at home might still be ideal for some, but it's not the best with our current situation.  By "current situation" I mean an open floor-plan apartment.  Day to day, it's no problem; Thumper can easily nap if the Yeti and I are watching something on TV or having a quiet conversation.  Even when I'm alone with Thumper, I usually have music on so he's not attached to total silence.

Add two or more people, though, and things get more complicated.  If he gets tired I can't just go in a room and shut the door, unless I go in the bathroom, and that is not happening.  And even if we're just cooking a meal for friends, it inevitably seems to take long enough that we run into a naptime, despite best efforts.  We also always seem to run into a feeding time. Though I want to be that subtle person nursing in public, Thumper's at a stage where he unlatches and stares at the slightest provocation, or wants to switch back and forth, so there's nothing subtle about this process.  I retreat to the bedroom, which helps somewhat, but it doesn't cut out enough noise for napping.  Eventually, we will move elsewhere.  For now, our apartment is great for living, but not for entertaining.

The best option at the moment seems to be eating out at a restaurant.  The food is prepared relatively quickly, so we spend our time socializing and enjoying our food instead of prepping.  We can spend an hour or two out, and then leave, without it being awkward. Since the last time I wrote about it, we've gone out a few more times, and I've been learning a few tips and tricks along the way (for this age, anyway - I expect things will change dramatically before long).

For one thing, the time of day does make a bit of a difference.  He doesn't necessarily melt down at dinner time, but his tolerance is much lower.  If I can do a brunch or a lunch, we'll probably all be happier for it.   If it's dinner, the earlier, the better.

Personally, I've found he does better in the Ergo instead of a stroller (he can't sit up in a highchair yet).  Facing inward might help with the stimulation of noisier restaurants, and he's interested in the novel surroundings.  Wearing him also makes it easier to hop up and out if he starts getting fussy, and usually he calms down after a minute or two of walking.  The biggest challenge is keeping him from getting too warm, between the heat of the food, the ambient temperature, and my body heat.  I tend to loosen the straps but still, a minute outside to cool down can really help.

Also, most restaurants here are just too small for a stroller, or even really a car seat/carrier.  The other day we went to a restaurant that a)we had to take a cab to reach and b)we knew was small.  Here's what we did: stuck Thumper in the infant car seat for the cab (I know in some cities it's legal to not use one in taxis, but I don't know about here and I'd rather be safer anyway).  When we got to our location, we moved off to the side, outside, and transferred him into the Ergo.  Once inside, they offered to have us stow the car seat by the front desk, where they stick highchairs.

Some of this will probably be easier once Thumper can just use a highchair.  Then we can either stow the Ergo or fold up a stroller.  Also, I'm kind of thankful Thumper is a smaller baby because the infant car seat is relatively unobtrusive.  Not sure what we'll do when he's too big and we need a convertible seat - my guess is either use public transportation, or rent a Zipcar so we can just leave the seat in the car.  And, most likely, try to stick to restaurants within walking distance.

Assuming, of course, that taking him to restaurants is still doable.  Thumper is a great baby, friendly and fun, but so far words like "docile" and "pliant" haven't really fit.  More like "active" and "energetic."  And he's not even mobile yet.

more social than his parents