Deep(ish) Thoughts Caused by Sleep Deprivation

When I disappear for awhile, it's almost always a safe bet that sleep is involved.  For the most part, sleep has a routine around these parts: Thumper wakes up twice a night, eats, goes back down almost immediately.  It's not perfect, but it's not that bad.  We're trying to get him to eat more regular food so I can work on weaning or at least night weaning, but he's not interested and/or gags.  Plus, while he's still on the small side, his last appointment showed that he's creeping up in the growth chart department, so I don't particularly want to mess with what's been working, and it's slow going.  In the meantime, this is fine - but when something messes up that schedule, it really, really sucks.

So last week, Thumper started waking up almost every hour for more than half the night.  It was seemingly out of the blue; nothing had changed.  And we still don't know for sure what the culprit was (or if it was anything, really).  He was moving like crazy around the crib when he did sleep - up, down, in circles, bumping against the bars at one end of the crib even when I'd started him at the other end - and he'd done something similar when learning to crawl, so I wondered if he was practicing walking in his sleep.  That's a definite possibility, but I also discovered he has four (4!) teeth coming in at once as well.  All the same tooth, the one right in front of the molars, left, right, top, and bottom.  Whatever the cause, he's been back to his usual routine over the last few days, meaning I'm not crashing into a deep sleep when he naps just to stay sane.

Valentine's Day was quiet and spent together as a family. The Yeti is wonderful and I could go on all day about him, but I know he doesn't particularly want me to, especially on a public blog.  The next day I did have a massage, which was exciting because I looooove professional massages and the last one I'd had was for last Mother's Day.  My stream of consciousness naturally went in a million different directions as I lay there and I reflected on what my personal spirituality is.  Obviously I'm not into any organized religion or really a believer but I do have my own little gut feelings about things.

What I found myself thinking of as I lay there was back when I was a teenager and went through a Pagan/Wiccan phase.  Even then I was more interested in reading about it than actually doing anything myself, but I always liked the Maiden/Mother/Crone imagery, probably due to the whole Circle of Life thing.  I thought about how much I identify myself as a mother now.  It's not the right choice for everyone, but if I do have any beliefs it's that I personally was meant to be a mother.  I've always wanted to be one, and now that I am, I do somehow feel more whole.  Yes, I still have my own other hobbies and goals (for example, to be a published author, someday) and hopefully decades in which to live after Thumper is grown, but still, I feel like this is a major component of me.  Whether it's biological imperative or personality type or something else, I do feel like I'm doing what I'm meant to.

At least, I think that's the general gist of what I was thinking.  I snored and startled myself fully awake.