Never Shall I Ever

Since I've been posting so infrequently, I wonder if I've been painting a rosier picture than actually exists.  For example, I know that as soon as something goes right in terms of Thumper's sleeping, I'll be all, "I did this and we all lived happily ever after!"  Then, later, he isn't sleeping well, I'm spending his nap time sleeping instead of posting, and never get around to explaining, "Well, it worked for a few weeks anyway."

Similarly, I probably tend to focus on the stuff that's gone the way I hoped it would.  For example: breastfeeding.  I really wanted to breastfeed, it was important to me, and thankfully I had a good combination of support, determination and sheer good luck.  I can talk about the little ins and outs of breastfeeding til the cows (or other cows, moo) come home.

What I don't talk about?  All the stuff I planned to do that didn't wind up working out.  Or the way that I thought I'd be before I got pregnant.  Or the stuff I don't mention because I know I'll probably be judged for it.  I had years of baby fever, years of reading mom blogs and having the occasional internal judgey moment and filing stuff away in my brain as "must do" or "never do" when I finally had my own baby.

So, let's talk about some of those "surprises," shall we?

Baby weight.  I knew full well that being pregnant did not literally mean "eating for two" and that I shouldn't gain much during the first trimester.  Instead, I was ravenous and probably gained five pounds instead. Everything evened out later in pregnancy - maybe helped along by my gestational diabetes limitations - and just a week after giving birth, I was a mere five pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.

But having a newborn is hard, y'all.  I tended to "reward" myself with candy once the baby went down for a nap.  Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, to be exact.  I was on a roll since the gestational diabetes rules were lifted.  And I told myself that the breastfeeding was probably burning off those calories anyway.  So I gained another fifteen pounds or so in the next few months - practically bringing myself back up to my third-trimester weight.  It was horrifying.

I've been slowly but steadily trying to eat better and just today I noticed I'm back down to that plus-five-pounds that I was just after Thumper's birth.  Only took 18 months.  I don't recommend it.  Hopefully the next five or more come a little more quickly.

Cloth diapering.  I considered myself a fairly "crunchy" soon-to-be mom and the idea of cloth diapering was appealing.  Seemed like it would be cheaper, healthier, better for the environment... I researched and bought some one-size all-in-ones that were just darling.  But Thumper came out smaller than expected - too small for the cloth I had - and was in newborn diapers longer than I'd thought.  By the time he was big enough for them, we had a routine and a Diaper Genie (which, living in a small apartment, I highly recommend, incidentally) and it just wasn't a priority.  Maybe it's for the best - who knows how many more Reese's Eggs I might've consumed with the extra laundry - but occasionally I feel a minor twinge of misgiving.  I've got a friend who'll likely be pregnant soon and is totally gung-ho about cloth diapering, and I'll probably give the (totally adorable) all-in-ones to her.

No screens before age 2.  This seemed like a fairly reasonable and easy requirement to have.  Just keep the kid away from screens, right?  Not so easy when he's drawn like a magnet to anything glowing and the Yeti uses a laptop frequently for work.  I feel like we do a pretty good job of not sticking our faces in phones during the day (I sneak mine here and there) but I had the phone laying around and even though it's locked, he still figured out how to swipe, get into the timers and alarms (with a wealth of ring tones to explore), take pictures, and more. We have an iPad, ensconced in a heavy-duty case, with a few baby apps that we occasionally let him play, though I prefer to keep it put away most of the time so he goes for real toys first.

We do watch family-friendly TV in the evenings, and Thumper has a handful of preschool shows he'll watch (meaning an episode of a single show or two here and there, not all shows every day): Daniel Tiger, Dinosaur Train, Doc McStuffins, Little Einsteins.  In retrospect, I know he's not zoned out in front of a screen 24/7, I know he's playing with me and getting out to the park and reading books, but... When the recommendation is zero screen time, what he does have feels like a lot.

The Yeti leaves his chair unattended, Thumper's there to pound on the keyboard and see if anything happens

Baby-led weaning.  I was told I totally skipped baby food - that I was breastfed and then went straight for regular food.  This seemed like a good plan to me, but instead what happened was that Thumper had zero interest in regular food and then he was a year old and still gagging on the slightest texture.  We stepped up the effort at that point, but realized that baby food was a very real, very needed transition step for us.  Now he's doing a bit of everything: nursing, baby food, and we always give him a bit of what we're eating, to mixed results.  But it's not been smooth sailing.

Baby wearing.  I assumed I'd be one of those moms with a baby in a sling on her hip.  Instead, I baby wear maybe between 50 and 75% of the time.  I don't wear him around the house, and I don't have slings or wraps - the Ergo is our workhorse.  It works for us, and I'm not upset about it, but it doesn't match what was in my head pre-baby.

Co-sleeping. This is possibly the hardest one for me to admit.  When Thumper was born I was terrified of co-sleeping, because of the risk of SIDS and smothering and whatnot.  So he slept in a bassinet-type thing and then a crib, at the foot of our bed.  Nowadays he still sleeps in the crib most of the time, but starting a few months ago, most days he's been sleeping in our bed from around 5 am till he wakes up.  I know he's much bigger now, and I know that we actually seem to be getting better sleep this way (because during those hours when he sleeps lighter, I'm not trying to move him back to the crib and getting up multiple times).  Still, co-sleeping was linked to danger in my brain for so long that I still internally cringe.  And I know it's a subject where there's a lot of judgment (including in my own mind).

So there, a few situations that haven't gone according to plan.  Although, just writing them out makes them seem so much more insignificant.  So what if he's not eating exactly according to my preconceived notions?  Or if he's snoozing with me a few hours a night?  But we put so much pressure on ourselves and others; it feels like a much bigger deal than it is.  So here I am, pointing out that not everything is picture-perfect all the time - and more importantly, that should be just fine.

Priorities