Never Shall I Ever

Since I've been posting so infrequently, I wonder if I've been painting a rosier picture than actually exists.  For example, I know that as soon as something goes right in terms of Thumper's sleeping, I'll be all, "I did this and we all lived happily ever after!"  Then, later, he isn't sleeping well, I'm spending his nap time sleeping instead of posting, and never get around to explaining, "Well, it worked for a few weeks anyway."

Similarly, I probably tend to focus on the stuff that's gone the way I hoped it would.  For example: breastfeeding.  I really wanted to breastfeed, it was important to me, and thankfully I had a good combination of support, determination and sheer good luck.  I can talk about the little ins and outs of breastfeeding til the cows (or other cows, moo) come home.

What I don't talk about?  All the stuff I planned to do that didn't wind up working out.  Or the way that I thought I'd be before I got pregnant.  Or the stuff I don't mention because I know I'll probably be judged for it.  I had years of baby fever, years of reading mom blogs and having the occasional internal judgey moment and filing stuff away in my brain as "must do" or "never do" when I finally had my own baby.

So, let's talk about some of those "surprises," shall we?

Baby weight.  I knew full well that being pregnant did not literally mean "eating for two" and that I shouldn't gain much during the first trimester.  Instead, I was ravenous and probably gained five pounds instead. Everything evened out later in pregnancy - maybe helped along by my gestational diabetes limitations - and just a week after giving birth, I was a mere five pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.

But having a newborn is hard, y'all.  I tended to "reward" myself with candy once the baby went down for a nap.  Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, to be exact.  I was on a roll since the gestational diabetes rules were lifted.  And I told myself that the breastfeeding was probably burning off those calories anyway.  So I gained another fifteen pounds or so in the next few months - practically bringing myself back up to my third-trimester weight.  It was horrifying.

I've been slowly but steadily trying to eat better and just today I noticed I'm back down to that plus-five-pounds that I was just after Thumper's birth.  Only took 18 months.  I don't recommend it.  Hopefully the next five or more come a little more quickly.

Cloth diapering.  I considered myself a fairly "crunchy" soon-to-be mom and the idea of cloth diapering was appealing.  Seemed like it would be cheaper, healthier, better for the environment... I researched and bought some one-size all-in-ones that were just darling.  But Thumper came out smaller than expected - too small for the cloth I had - and was in newborn diapers longer than I'd thought.  By the time he was big enough for them, we had a routine and a Diaper Genie (which, living in a small apartment, I highly recommend, incidentally) and it just wasn't a priority.  Maybe it's for the best - who knows how many more Reese's Eggs I might've consumed with the extra laundry - but occasionally I feel a minor twinge of misgiving.  I've got a friend who'll likely be pregnant soon and is totally gung-ho about cloth diapering, and I'll probably give the (totally adorable) all-in-ones to her.

No screens before age 2.  This seemed like a fairly reasonable and easy requirement to have.  Just keep the kid away from screens, right?  Not so easy when he's drawn like a magnet to anything glowing and the Yeti uses a laptop frequently for work.  I feel like we do a pretty good job of not sticking our faces in phones during the day (I sneak mine here and there) but I had the phone laying around and even though it's locked, he still figured out how to swipe, get into the timers and alarms (with a wealth of ring tones to explore), take pictures, and more. We have an iPad, ensconced in a heavy-duty case, with a few baby apps that we occasionally let him play, though I prefer to keep it put away most of the time so he goes for real toys first.

We do watch family-friendly TV in the evenings, and Thumper has a handful of preschool shows he'll watch (meaning an episode of a single show or two here and there, not all shows every day): Daniel Tiger, Dinosaur Train, Doc McStuffins, Little Einsteins.  In retrospect, I know he's not zoned out in front of a screen 24/7, I know he's playing with me and getting out to the park and reading books, but... When the recommendation is zero screen time, what he does have feels like a lot.

The Yeti leaves his chair unattended, Thumper's there to pound on the keyboard and see if anything happens

Baby-led weaning.  I was told I totally skipped baby food - that I was breastfed and then went straight for regular food.  This seemed like a good plan to me, but instead what happened was that Thumper had zero interest in regular food and then he was a year old and still gagging on the slightest texture.  We stepped up the effort at that point, but realized that baby food was a very real, very needed transition step for us.  Now he's doing a bit of everything: nursing, baby food, and we always give him a bit of what we're eating, to mixed results.  But it's not been smooth sailing.

Baby wearing.  I assumed I'd be one of those moms with a baby in a sling on her hip.  Instead, I baby wear maybe between 50 and 75% of the time.  I don't wear him around the house, and I don't have slings or wraps - the Ergo is our workhorse.  It works for us, and I'm not upset about it, but it doesn't match what was in my head pre-baby.

Co-sleeping. This is possibly the hardest one for me to admit.  When Thumper was born I was terrified of co-sleeping, because of the risk of SIDS and smothering and whatnot.  So he slept in a bassinet-type thing and then a crib, at the foot of our bed.  Nowadays he still sleeps in the crib most of the time, but starting a few months ago, most days he's been sleeping in our bed from around 5 am till he wakes up.  I know he's much bigger now, and I know that we actually seem to be getting better sleep this way (because during those hours when he sleeps lighter, I'm not trying to move him back to the crib and getting up multiple times).  Still, co-sleeping was linked to danger in my brain for so long that I still internally cringe.  And I know it's a subject where there's a lot of judgment (including in my own mind).

So there, a few situations that haven't gone according to plan.  Although, just writing them out makes them seem so much more insignificant.  So what if he's not eating exactly according to my preconceived notions?  Or if he's snoozing with me a few hours a night?  But we put so much pressure on ourselves and others; it feels like a much bigger deal than it is.  So here I am, pointing out that not everything is picture-perfect all the time - and more importantly, that should be just fine.

Priorities

The Sun, the Sweet and the Sour

Good gravy!  I'm not quite sure where the last two months have gone.   I think my absence has mostly been thanks to summer; we've been spending a lot more time at playgrounds and splash pads.  I know that I rave frequently about the fact that Thumper has just gotten more fun as he's gotten older... but I can't help it, it's true!  I'm laughing all day long.

Just today, I was gathering up the sheets for the wash while Thumper ran back and forth from the bathroom (where the washer is).  He'd already "helped" me put in the pillowcases and I was grabbing the fitted sheets.  I walked in with the sheets to find Thumper, dragging his stroller blanket across the floor to put in the wash, so proud.  He'd also added a random pajama top from the hamper.  If I could have passed out from cuteness I would have.

However, not everything is fun.  Here are a few things that have ranged from not-so-funny to making-me-pull-out-my-metaphorical-hair:

- The trash.  He tries to put random items in the garbage (the dark side of that washing machine story).  When I tell him not to, or try to stop him, he thinks it's a game.  I don't know if the solution is just to get locking cans; the cans we have are fairly recent so we don't particularly want new ones, but who knows what we've thrown away already.

- The night terrors.  Every so often - maybe a few times a month - we have a day or two of extremely bad sleeping and what I think are night terrors.  He wakes up, not crying, but screaming.  He seems awake, but totally irrational, pointing at random stuff, then pushing it away, wanting down, wanting up, freaking out the entire time.  There's no "trick" to ending it that I've found; it just eventually does, and he's totally back to normal (I, on the other hand, want to go rock back and forth in a corner).

It's so distressing because he's still mostly nonverbal, so he can't even tell me what's wrong, or if, say, it's not a dream at all and he's in pain.  And while we're on the issue of screaming...

- The temper tantrums.  They seem to come and go in waves, where we'll have several good days and then a few bad ones (which of course feel twice as long).  I've read the Happiest Toddler on the Block and, unlike Happiest Baby, I haven't been able to make it work for me.  Most of the book - more or less toddler psychology - is interesting and a good reminder, but the actual technique of halting a temper tantrum has been a fail for me so far.  And like the night terrors, we have the same issue of a mostly nonverbal toddler.  It's hard to know what he can understand, what the expectations should be, etc.  I feel like it's been months and months since I've felt the need to obsessively confer with Doctor Google and His Mommy Coffee Klatch, but I think I'll be spending a little time with them soon.

But honestly this sort of stuff is not the majority of the day.  And, likely because it's stimulating, I think taking him out to playgrounds, etc improves everyone's mood and patience, so the weather has good timing.

The sun makes everything better

Toddler Time

The problem with such infrequent updates is that when I finally do make a blog post, I'm busy thinking about what's happened in a catch-all update, instead of individual topics.  It's but one issue in Life Whilst Cutting Eyeteeth.  Thumper's mood is generally improving, but lately he's been waking up around 4 or 5 in the morning and refusing to go back to sleep for around an hour or so.  He'll act like he wants to sleep with us, and honestly I'd consider it if he'd actually sleep, but he flops back and forth like a fish instead.  Eventually he climbs into my arms (after shunning them while he flopped) and falls asleep, and I transport him back to his crib, where he sleeps deeply for another few hours.

Originally he was up for over an hour when he did this.  I think last night it was down to around a half an hour, and he's no longer doing it every night.  I barely even blink at this weirdness anymore; it always seems to feel like forever but actually be relatively fleeting. Teething, wonder week, growth spurt, whatever; he'll get over it soon.

Thumper's at a tough age; he's not very verbal but he's definitely feeling more, so it leads to mini meltdowns.  And he's not exactly at an age where explanation and reasoning cut it.  I knew all this in theory, of course, but seeing it happen before my eyes is something else again.

One day we were going to meet the Yeti.  I had loaded Thumper up into the stroller; he knew where we were going.  We were literally about to walk out the door when I got a text from the Yeti.  We were expecting a delivery that day, due to arrive in 15 minutes, and I had completely forgotten about it.  I needed to stay there and accept it.  I had to take Thumper out of the stroller, and when he realized we weren't going to leave right then to meet Daddy he. was. crushed.  He didn't even throw a temper tantrum, which made me feel even worse (as well I should have; this was all my fault).  Sure, he was laughing and playing soon, and we went right out within a half an hour, but still.  I felt like the Worst Mom Ever.

I started taking Thumper to a toddler play time.  He's thrilled every week.  So far we haven't had any issues like sharing or fighting, probably because they're just a bit too young yet, but when we first got there he was so excited he shoved a few kids by way of greeting (smiling, like an over-exuberant puppy).  No one really seemed to take umbrage, but again, I felt horrible for not foreseeing this.  We've been working a lot on being "gentle" and "soft" and the novelty of playtime is wearing off, all of which contributed to a much smoother visit, but still.

So I guess so far toddlerhood has been an emotional roller coaster.  And Thumper's been a bit up and down too.

Not Afraid to Squeeze

I'm not sure I've written very much about living in a one-bedroom apartment.  It was something of a dramatic change when we moved to the city - back when the Yeti and I lived in the middle of nowhere country we had more space than we even needed.  But we decided when moving here that if we were going to live in the city, we were really going to live here - forgo a car and extra space so that we could skip a long commute and the suburbs.  It's been a few years now,  and we've gone from it being just the two of us, through a pregnancy, an infant, and now a toddler.  And so far we still love it.  I won't say we'll never move to the suburbs because, well, never say never, but we don't have any immediate plans to move away.

Actually, we don't even have any immediate plans to move out of the one-bedroom, assuming everything goes as it has.  We are still intending to change our den/office into Thumper's space, and I still feel like we aren't even maximizing the space we have - I'm planning a ZipCar road trip to IKEA soon.  The one downside is that we have an open floorplan layout, so you can hear everything, but honestly, that one annoyance is outweighed by all the things we love about our location.

So let's ignore the open floorplan aspect and talk a bit about having the baby in the bedroom.  I'd seriously recommend this to anyone who's having a baby, regardless of whether you're getting a separate nursery ready - especially if you plan to breastfeed.

This is mostly out of sheer laziness on my part.  It's pretty common, nowadays, to keep the bassinet or the co-sleeper or whatever in the bedroom; we had Thumper in the newborn napper part of a Pack 'n' Play.  The thing is, even after he was in his crib, stationed at the foot of the bed, he'd still wake up in the night to eat.  He still does now (although, when he's not in teething pain, he cuts it way down to once or twice a night).

So, for me, it's much easier to stumble down to the foot of the bed, feed him, put him down, stumble off to the bathroom (more on that in a second) and then fall back asleep as soon as possible.  Less walking, less "is he actually awake or just making noise in the night?", more sleep.

The bathroom thing: maybe I'm the only one who has this issue, but night waking has been so cruel to my bladder.  See, I want to keep things as dim and sleepy for Thumper, too, so he'll fall back asleep all the faster, and it also allows the Yeti to sleep through the whole thing.  Thus, when Thumper wakes up crying, I immediately change him or go right to feeding.  There's no time for me to stumble off to the bathroom myself, which means I'm sitting there for ten minutes holding a steadily growing kid on my weakened bladder.  No chance of me accidentally dozing off because I'm sitting there counting the seconds 'til I can lay him back down and dash down the hall.  I've tried to think of a better way but it's like getting hens and foxes across a stream on a raft made for two.

Or monsters

In terms of getting actual sleep, unless Thumper is actively awake and standing up in the crib, I'm probably asleep.  I've gotten over the "what was that rustle?" phase.  The one exception is that with all the recent teething (status report: I think all four molars are in, but now he's working on the fangs) he will occasionally cry out in his sleep, but he's waking up more and we're all getting less sleep then anyway.  And again, the Yeti will sleep through anything, though occasionally I will nudge him if he starts to snore when I'm trying to get Thumper back down.

Some people have said that having the baby in their room has a negative effect on the romance aspect, but that hasn't been the case for me.  Honestly, if anything affects that, it's going to be the sleep deprivation.  If you're tired, you're going to want to sleep.  If you're not, the location of a sleeping baby isn't going to stop you.  There are other rooms, and even if there weren't, well, that didn't stop the Ma and Pa Ingalls of the world. Or cave people.  Somehow having a baby has made me think of early cave people quite a bit.  Something about staring at the baby and ruminating on the fact that it's basically been the very same for thousands of years.  Or maybe just the sleep deprivation.

As I've mentioned in the past, a big downside of a one-bedroom means that all the toys for Thumper are in the living room.  And they still are, because we still haven't cleared away the office stuff.  I am seriously looking forward to having additional space and shelving in which to stick some of this stuff, but at the same time, Thumper's still going to play in the living room, because that's where we'll be.  If we didn't have the den to expand into, I'm willing to bet we could find other places to store his toys (maybe I've been looking at that IKEA catalog for too long).

In all honesty, I don't think having a one-bedroom changes life with an infant/toddler all that much.  Maybe life is slightly more in-your-face - but at the same time, I don't think many people are sending their six-month-old off to their room to play alone for the afternoon.   People acted like we were pioneers for not planning to move to a two-bedroom immediately when I became pregnant, but in my experience, it's nothing to freak out about.

Mostly harmless

Not My Finest Moment

So the day before yesterday I lost my phone in the couch.  Not under the couch, or under a cushion - IN the couch.

It had slid between the cushion and the side of the couch, as it has many times before.  I wedged my hand in to get it, and naturally my fingers pushed it a little further down before I could get a grip - again, no big deal.  But instead of hitting bottom, I felt something give, and it slipped entirely away.

It might as well have slipped into another dimension.  I sat, stunned, before ripping the cushion off the couch and confirming that yes, the lining on our decade-old couch had completely pulled away and there was a long, narrow gap.  I wedged my hand in, but unfortunately I had a piece of wood on one side and a sheet of springs and padding on the other.  I twisted my wrist, tried with the other one, but all I got was raw hands.  (This couch has been nothing but trouble for me since day one, when it arrived two shades lighter than the one we ordered, and stupid me didn't notice under the wrapping until it was too late.  Ten years of a couch that shows everything.)

Next I tried from the bottom.  There's not much room under the couch, but I can fit my hand in.  By punching the bottom lining I was able to determine where the phone was.  The bad news?  My punching had bounced it even further away from the side.  I tried to "bounce" it back but it only made it worse.  At one point I actually got my arm and elbow stuck.  That was a scary moment, laying on my side, Thumper helpfully pulling on my hair to try to pull me up, contemplating being stuck there until the Yeti got home from work.

Of course I could have just left the phone in the couch.  In retrospect that was probably the smarter course of action.  But we don't have a landline, and somehow the thought of losing the phone filled me with panic.  What if there was an emergency?!  And worse, I wouldn't be able to text the Yeti to find out when we would meet him on his way home!  I'd have to - gasp - just gamble on timing, or not meet him at all!  It didn't even occur to me that I have, you know, a laptop with email and everything.  Not my finest moment.  No, to my mind the next logical step was to lift the couch.

I put Thumper in the pack and play, where I could see him, and went to the far end of the couch.  Surely I would just need to lift it a little to knock it back against the side, right?  Wrong.  Also, couches are heavy.  After three or four tries, lifting it several inches and probably pulling countless tiny muscles, I had made exactly zero progress.

Desperate times.  I grabbed a pair of scissors.  There wasn't enough room under the couch to actually open them and cut, but I used the pointy end to poke a hole in the hollow underside of the couch.  I scrabbled my hand in like a raccoon paw, tearing some of the fabric as I went, but somehow my lifting had actually knocked the phone more toward the rear of the couch.  Of course it had.

So behind the couch I went, attempting to lift again.  This time it was actually successful - the phone slid enough forward that I was able to reach into the hole and grab it.

Despite my obvious blind panic, I didn't completely lose my stuff in front of Thumper through this whole thing, though I got more upset than I meant to.  Sure, there was some repeated cursing, especially after I passed the couch over my big toe.  My worst moment came when I thought I was stuck under the couch - I think I just said "What?! No! No!" to my arm in a panicked yelp.  Then I got my arm free, stopped, and saw Thumper eyeing me with concern, and it brought me back down immediately.  I took a deep breath, and said to him, "Let's clap this out."  And instead of yelling and cursing and throwing a fit, which I wanted to do, I clapped and patted and deep-breathed myself into lightheadedness.

It's silly, but I'm kind of proud of that.  I don't want to be someone who flies into a rage or melts down in front of my kid.  Now I just need to work on not freaking in the first place, and letting things go.  I really could have just left it till the Yeti got home.

Unrelated pic, other than that it makes me feel zen whenever I see it

Oh, and I totally did screw up my back and neck and hips with all that lifting - two days later and I'm still paying for it.  Not the brightest crayon in the box.  Learn from my mistakes and let it go - or at least go right for the scissors.

PS I almost forgot - Top Baby Blogs reset their counters a few weeks ago.  If you'd like to click to vote for me, you can click here or on the side of the page (no need to register or anything).  I appreciate it!

Planetary Problems: Fixing my KitchenAid Pro Stand Mixer

Here's a post that has nothing to do with Thumper or babies (until the end), because it's about something that happened long before I was ever pregnant, that got lost in the shuffle when we moved to the city: the saga of our broken KitchenAid mixer.

The Yeti has always been far more into cooking than I am, and when we got our first place together after college, a big "adult" purchase was a KitchenAid Pro stand mixer (in Nickel Pearl, ooh).  Probably the Yeti's favorite thing to make with it was pizza dough (mine was cinnamon rolls), and many a calzone or personal pizza was had for a few years.

Then one day, it was in the middle of mixing something when we heard a clunk and a grinding noise and the thing stopped spinning, though the motor was still running and grinding.  It also looked like the beater had dropped about a half an inch lower into the bowl, and later examination showed that the entire "planetary," which I think of as the "ceiling" to the beater, was hanging loose.  After the swearing died down, we poked and prodded it with our limited knowledge and came to the conclusion that we had no idea how to fix it, or if it was fixable.

How it's supposed to look, all tucked up into the body (featuring the hand of The Yeti)

But no, you can see daylight here

I looked at Amazon reviews and my heart sank.  Many people had complaints about this part or that part breaking after a few years, stuff made out of plastic instead of metal, and so on.  Many of these complaints had been fixed since the negative reviews, but only in recent years, and ours was bought before then. You could send your mixer off to be fixed but it supposedly cost $150 at least, not counting shipping for the beast.  And that was still much cheaper than buying a new one.

However, the mixer was not a necessity and since we didn't decisively know what to do, we didn't do anything.  It sat there, silent, for weeks and then months and then... two years.

At that point, I got sick of it taking up space and decided to figure out whether I could fix it.  I'd been on a DIY kick and was convinced I could find a YouTube video that would teach me how to do anything.  Unfortunately, while I could find many DIY videos and blog posts about the stand mixer, no one seemed to have our specific problem, so I couldn't just follow steps exactly.

A few YouTube videos were incredibly helpful along the way, though.  One is here.  Though the description is very similar to my issue, it wasn't exact (the other video has since been made private, but it was mostly the same thing from additional angles).  However, it provided two important pieces of information.

First, it showed me how to crack open the mixer and get a feel for what's going on inside.  I was never a tinker-in-the-garage or build-your-own-computer sort of person, so it's not in my nature to attempt to take everything apart on my own.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that had I attempted to do so before watching these videos, I would have opened it up, seen that it's a massive, messy ball of grease and Noped out of there.  But this video showed me what stuff should look like, what something damaged looks like, and just generally made it seem more accessible.

The other vital piece of information is a recommendation for the site mendingshed.com.   They sell individual parts and pieces, and also provide copies of manuals.  We would wind up needing both.

So I set out to see what was going on.  I cracked open the mixer and cleaned up as much of the grease as I could, and examined the gears.  Some of them were indeed scored and gouged, likely from when the planetary slipped and everything ground together.  I set them aside to be replaced, but they weren't my main problem.

Between the Yeti and myself, we determined that the main problem was actually under all the gears and stuff, but above the planetary.  There's a piece of metal that's supposed to be pressed into the underside of the lower gearbox, that would no longer stay.  As such, the planetary dropped, and the little "tower" of gears on top (you can see them in the first picture) dropped down, causing the gouging on the gears.

The problem was there was no way to fix the metal piece.  It was not sold as a separate piece, because it comes as part of the lower gearbox.  Since it's just supposed to be pressed into place, there was no snapping or gluing we could do.

Luckily, Mending Shed actually sold the entire lower gearbox piece as a replacement.  I wound up buying a few replacement gears, a replacement lower gearbox, a replacement planetary (might as well, couldn't tell if it had been damaged), a little pair of pliers for a snap ring, and a big tub o' grease, all for around eighty bucks.

Now, here's where I jump to the future.  I checked out the site today and they now have the option of a much smaller container of grease, more suited for the task at hand, for much cheaper.  Also, for those replacement pieces, now they actually have a pretty wide selection of colors to choose from.  At the time, not so much. Still, I was more worried about functionality than looks, so to replace my Nickel Pearl parts, I got a white lower gearbox and a dark pewter planetary.

Upon receiving the parts, we got an amusing surprise - the piece that had caused us all this trouble had been changed.  Instead of a separate metal piece that provided the extra height (a piece that could fall out), the new gearbox had it simply part of the actual box:

In the old gearbox, that metal washer is sitting flush on the ground

In the new gearbox, it's sitting nicely on some molded plastic

Now all that was left to do was screw in all the bits the way we found them, including the new gears and pieces... 

Cover all the prettiness with a giant mass of grease and screw the cover on...

And voila!  A fully functioning stand mixer, now with white racing stripe.  

Good as new

I wanted to write about it because I still haven't really seen anything online with a similar planetary problem - usually they just want to replace the worm gear (which we did, but it wasn't the real issue).  We fixed the mixer about three years ago and it's still going strong as ever, for about 80 bucks altogether.  When it first broke, fixing it seemed like a daunting process, but it really wasn't that bad, thanks to the miracle of the internet!  And yes, I still rather believe that I can learn anything with YouTube.

Okay, a bit of a baby update in the present day: St. Patrick's Day happened.  One side of my family has Irish roots (when I was younger, I felt "extra Irish" because I have green eyes), and I grew up eating the typical corn beef and cabbage meal (which is not an Irish meal, but an Irish-American immigrant thing, like much of the holiday) and decorating the house and so on.  I don't really have the focus to go all out anymore, but I do make an effort to wear green and I'll probably do more in the future with Thumper (because we all know I love a holiday and ignore the dubious origins).  

Last year: 

This year: 

Okay, he's not wearing his official shirt there, but the parallels in the face make me laugh.  I had to cover up the official shirt with a hoodie, but he's ready to take on sunnier weather, I think: 

Happy Spring! 

He Didn't Catch the Garter

The wedding!  Still no pics to share, unfortunately, but I'll try to snare some when I see them.  So the wedding was between a friend I've had since high school, and his fiancee, who is quite lovely and they've been together for years.  That being said, I had no feel for what the wedding would be like.  It was at night, which could mean a more dramatic setting, but they're both pretty low-drama people.  They're both geeky, but more traditional, so I wouldn't expect a themed wedding... and so on.

As it turned out, it was short and sweet, in the most complimentary sense of both terms.  Everyone looked lovely.  The ceremony itself was incredibly short - we're talking less than five minutes - but the vows were original and said together; it wasn't perfunctory.  And I actually got to listen and enjoy because, as the ceremony was so short, Thumper didn't even have time to get bored or antsy!  We weren't expecting such a smooth experience.

The plan was to feed Thumper in the car when we first arrived so we'd be able to give him water and food at the table but not deal with massive hunger issues.  Well, that didn't exactly happen.  He's not used to being in a car (we used ZipCar) and when I let him out of the car seat, he just wanted to explore.  After wrestling with him for a few minutes I gave up.

Fast forward to the cocktail hour.  After we'd been standing around outside for about a half an hour chatting, Thumper started to melt down and it was clear that he probably needed to eat and take a quiet minute.  I headed inside the hotel on my own, confident that I could find a dark corner or something.

...But I couldn't.  The hotel was really crowded with people and every chair and lobby corner was filled.  I hadn't brought a wrap or something to cover myself with because I'm a moron.  Out of curiosity, I checked out the lobby bathroom; it was a nice hotel and sometimes nice bathrooms have little separate lounges.  Not this one, though.  It didn't even have a baby changing table.  It did have a tiny counter off to the side, and briefly I entertained the thought of feeding him there.  I tried to set him on the counter and he looked at me like I was insane.  I figured we'd have to duck out to the car.

Anything but the bathroom...

As we were leaving the bathroom, I passed a woman I'd seen at the wedding, with a newborn.  She was heading into the bathroom with the baby and had an all-too-familiar panicked look.  "Are you looking for someplace to change her or feed her?" I asked.

"I was looking for somewhere to nurse," she said.  "Yeah, me too," I said, grim.  That was all that was said, but a few guys who worked for the hotel overheard us and launched immediately into action.

"We're pretty full here but... hang on," one said.  A few minutes later we were led through the crowded lobby and into the relatively empty spa reception area.  The woman at the desk led us to the spa waiting room, where you sit and meditate (or, if you're me, eat nuts and drink cucumber water) before being called back for your massage.  It was empty, with couches and a fire going and dim lighting.  Rarely have I ever seen Thumper snuggle down so contentedly, and never outside of our home.  It was the perfect place to recharge.

Our timing was perfect: we left the spa, met up with the Yeti (who was now waiting outside the bathroom because he thought we were in there - sweetest guy ever) and it was time to head in for dinner.  Thumper hung out in a high chair and we gave him little bits of our food.  We'd also brought a sippy cup, and a tupperware with a few snacks, but he mostly played with everything.  We chatted with friends we hadn't seen in years and I think Thumper did more than his part in giving babies a good name.  He's still not particularly forthcoming with strangers - I'm not sure he smiled at anyone the entire time - but he wasn't miserable, either.  Mostly just interested.

The ceremony was at six, and as it approached nine it was clearly time to wrap it up and go home... so we did.  It was fun seeing our old friends and it was a fun, relatively laid-back reception, but we had a baby to put to bed, and I don't feel like we particularly missed out on anything.

I remember going to a wedding with a night reception when I was a teenager - the wedding of a distant cousin.  The wedding party hung out on a party bus between the ceremony and reception and drank, and I saw a groomsman passed out in the bushes already when we were walking in.  That set the tone for the evening.

This was not that kind of wedding.  It was sweet, simple, and fun - a perfect wedding to include a baby, and lot of fun without one, too.

Next time he'll be hitting the dance floor